Author Archives: Jeff

About Jeff

I'm a Christian Linux geek man person. Sometimes I have something to say.

Doubting God

I was listening to the latest Wired Jesus podcast where Tom was talking about faith and doubt. One of the things he said was “…our parents tried to tell us that doubt was a sign of weakness of faith, and we weren’t supposed to talk about it...” and that doubt was a “virus that would affect all the faithful.”

I can agree with this and it really strikes a nerve with me. I remember being told that I shouldn’t doubt because it would lead me to believing in my doubts and turning from God. But what do I do with doubt? Can I just ignore it and make it go away? Am I screwed up and broken as a Christian because I have doubts? It certainly seems that way if I believe what I was taught. Tom talks about the “answer man” church where the pastor and the church are the sole source of answers, and we are to look only to them.

One of the reasons I rejected the church for so long was this type of attitude. If God is who he says he is, I should be able to doubt and question. I don’t want to trust in a God who can’t handle my questions. If the truth is there, I should be able to find it by honestly seeking. I returned to the church and my faith because of people who told me that God wanted to hear from me even if I was angry at him. They told me God could handle my anger and questions and fear. They taught me that if I had questions and doubt I could find answers and security.

So what does scripture say? I don’t have specific references to give, but all you have to do is start reading the Psalms for an answer. David was not afraid to express doubt and ask God “why have you forsaken me?” (A sentiment Jesus himself quotes on the cross) Jeremiah is also not afraid to yell at God when he’s alone and afraid.

So I reject anyone who tells me not to question. I think God is big enough to deal with my uncertainty. I’ve found him willing to be patient with me, although sometimes it takes a lot of searching and humility on my part before I can accept his answer.

Blogging with WordPress

After playing around a bit I think I’ve got the hang of WordPress. It is a bit limiting, but then anything is compared to writing everything by hand in HTML. It does let me edit the HTML itself, which is comforting. I was able to import all my old postings (OK all 4 of them), and still keep my timestamps correct.

I still haven’t figured out how to theme it, but I’ll have to mess with that later. All the available themes pretty much suck, and I’d like to style the blog to look like my main site. If anyone has tips, let me know.

Hello world!

So I finally got around to starting a real blog. Sorry everything is on default, but it’ll have to do for now.

Im hoping this will make it easier to post on a regular basis. We’ll see.

Deuteronomy 1:41-46

I’ve started studying Deuteronomy lately. I like the old testament a lot and this is one of my favorite books. It does a good job of summarizing the first 4 books (which can get long and boring in places), and finishes up Moses’ story before he passes the torch to Joshua. I journaled a bit this morning on what I read today, and figured it was worth putting here.

Deuteronomy 1:41-46 Realizing what they had done, the Israelites tried to make it right. They got their weapons and went to the hill country where God had originally commanded them to go in order to take the land. Moses gave God’s warning that they should not go because God was not with them, but they didn’t listen. Because God was not with them, they were severely defeated.

The people of Israel seemed to want to make things right, but they still didn’t understand. God told them that they would not take this land because of their disbelief, and he meant it. Often we think we can take things into our own hands and fix them, but without God it doesn’t work. It seems to me that God gave them an opportunity and when they failed to obey he took the opportunity away. This seems harsh, especially since God decreed that no one of that generation would enter the land (except the 2 who were faithful), but God must have had good reasons. This was the culmination of a long journey. The whole purpose of the people being in the desert was to leave Egypt and go to the land God would give them. He had demonstrated his ability to provide for them. He had defeated kings for them, he had destroyed the army of Egypt for them. Now was the time for God to fulfill his promise, and he gave the command to go take possession of the land. The people sent scouts ahead to be more certain about what they were walking into, but when they believed the fears of their scouts and started disbelieving God, that was their error. After his repeated demonstration of his faithfulness, the people not only didn’t believe he could help them take this country as their new home, they accused him of bringing them here to kill them.

We all doubt and fear, and God demonstrates his ability to be patient with us. Moses is just one example. When God called him to go down to Israel and bring the people out, he made excuses 4 different times. Still God was patient and gave him assurances and helped him get over the fear. It’s obvious, though, that at some point our disbelief that leads to disobedience has to be punished. God understands our fear, but he wants us to trust him. He demonstrates that he is worthy of trust, but he expects us to trust him in a way that’s dangerous to us personally. If the Israelites had gone into the land and God wasn’t worthy of trust, they would have died. If Moses had gone to Pharaoh and God wasn’t with him, he might have been killed. It’s not really faith if you have a plan “B.” We have faith in something that’s worthy of trust, but at some point we have to lean on that faith in a way that’s final. We have to take steps that demonstrate that we believe strongly enough that if what we trust fails, we’re ruined. And when we do come to those times, depend on God and he comes through, there’s no better feeling.

Katrina: Surprise?

I’m reluctant to join the blame-fest surrounding the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, but I saw something today that I think is worth talking about. Here is an article from National Geographic magazine that describes in detail a hurricane coming and hitting New Orleans, along with the aftermath and destruction that would bring. What’s interesting about that? This article was published October of 2004. Read the first couple paragraphs and it’s hard to imagine this is a prediction rather than a description of actual events.

The article goes on to talk about the erosion and desctruction going on in the Mississippi river delta and Louisiana wetlands that demand action in order to prevent disaster. Industrialization is threatening a lot more than just New Orleans, and it’s been common knowledge for years. Many people have predicted a disaster just like Katrina.

A group including the Army Corps of Engineers put together a plan to deal with the problem that would have cost $14 Billion over 30 years. Per the article “the Bush Administration balked at the price tag, supporting instead a plan to spend up to two billion dollars over the next ten years.” President Bush can’t claim he didn’t know. We may not have known this hurricane was going to cause this much destruction, but we knew it was coming sooner or later.